4.16.07

i purposely waited a while to post on my blog for a few reasons. first, my eyes were glued to the television and not the computer for the duration of last week. secondly, i found it hard to come up with words to explain the loss i was feeling. how do you express such sorrow in anything but tears? third, blogging is something i enjoy and i found it hard to conjure up the courage to begin to express my feelings to the world. but here i am now, a little over a week later, ready to spill. so here we go...

first, i must say that i hate the title i see all over the tv: "massacre at virginia tech." i hate the media surrounding us everywhere. hate is a strong word and i can say, without a doubt, that i hate this feeling. i am heartbroken, grief-stricken and at a loss for words as to how much this hurts. everyone copes with their grief in different ways. some chose to get away and go home for a few days while others, like myself, chose to stay here in blacksburg. for me, i had to be around this place-- a campus filled with satellites like dandelions, the electric-yellow caution tape, the tears of lost loves all-around and the comfort of complete strangers, whose only tie was the common thread of Hokie pride. constantly seeing the scene play out on campus helped me to begin to feel the reality and finality of such a "massacre." it sounds cliche, but the notion is true: we are a Hokie family, tried and true.

monday i tried to get my life back to normal. i went back to fallon park to spend the day with my fifth graders, beginning the last week of my student teaching internship. the kids were like a breath of fresh air-- offering hugs and simple joys without one question of, "did you know anyone?" or "are you upset, miss renfrow?" these kids, who have the least of any children i know, understand the value of a gentle touch and a kind word. i praise God for their presence in my life-- each and every one of them is genuinely special.

how do i end this post? how do we resolve to start anew, without forgetting the tragedy but at the same time recovering and beginning the healing process? my answer has been, and will forever be, prayer. God is gracious. and He is bigger than this. my source of peace and hope comes from the Lord and i pray that this awful occurance may bring me, and everyone affected, closer to our amazing, loving Lord. God is good- all the time. :)

sidenote: a photographer for the virginian-pilot newspaper, stephen katz, snapped these photos of me and sent them to me via email. his email is as follows:

Sorry for the delay guys, today is my first day back after being in Blacksburg. I just wanted to thank you again for being willing to let me make your photograph. I am so sorry you all had to put up with such an overwhelming barrage of press. The Tech students shined brightly under the lights of the media. You are quite an amazing student body.
Thank you again and I pray things will continue to get better for all of you.
- Stephen

i share these photos only to convey my pain and passion for the Lord. may these few pictures be a witness to the hope i have in our Father.